HUNTSVILLE, Alabama: Three-time Olympic swimming medalist Margaret Hoelzer has revealed that she was sexually abused as a child.Hoelzer said she is sharing her story to make sure what happened to her doesn't happen to others.
"It's nerve-racking," the 25-year-old Hoelzer said in an exclusive interview with The Associated Press. "Some days I feel great about it, and I'm completely at peace with it, completely calm and ready to do this. Then, there are other days where I'm like, 'Oh my God, do I really want to do this?'"
Hoelzer says she was 5 years old when the abuse by a playmate's father started.
Hoelzer and her mother believe the abuse went on for at least two years, ending when that family moved away.
"I was going to their house on a regular basis," Hoelzer said. "I would spend the night at their house from time to time. ... It was definitely a situation where I was taught to trust that person."
She wasn't even sure what was going on was wrong.
"I didn't connect the dots other than feeling uncomfortable," Hoelzer said. "I think on a subconscious level I knew it. But consciously, I didn't."
Hoelzer revealed her secret less than a month after the Beijing Olympics, where she won a bronze medal in the 100 meter backstroke and silvers in the 200 backstroke and silver in the 4x100 medley relay.
Even after the abuse stopped, it took years to realize what happened. Finally, at the age of 11, Hoelzer was walking in the neighborhood with her best friend. Suddenly, the awful truth poured out.
"She was the one who was like, 'Oh my God, you were molested,'" Hoelzer said. "You need to tell your mom.' She was the one who actually put a name on it for me."
Heeding her friend's advice, young Margaret went to her mother.
"She was very quiet and listened," Hoelzer recalled. "I remember from time to time, she would say things to kind of prod me along. I was very, very lucky because she 100 percent believed me. She never questioned it. Most importantly, she just let me talk. She didn't freak out."
Hoelzer's mother immediately told her father. That night, the police were called. The family was directed to the National Child Advocacy Center, which lined up counseling for everyone and showed them how to pursue legal action.
The alleged molester was arrested. There was no real physical evidence because Hoelzer wasn't raped. Also, the passage of time and a child's still-developing memory raised doubts about whether a conviction could be reached in the harsh scrutiny of a courtroom. The case was taken to a grand jury, but no formal charges were ever brought.
"I was very angry for a long time that nothing happened and he got off scot-free," Hoelzer conceded. "In school, if you did something wrong you would get in trouble for it. You would go to detention or have your parents ground you. It was almost this mentality of, 'How can you do something like that and have nothing happen?' No community service. No fine. Nothing.
"Now that I'm older," she added, "I realize that's not how it is. A lack of evidence is just a lack of evidence."
She never had any more contact with that family.
She never had any desire to confront her molester.
"I haven't seen him in almost 20 years," Hoelzer said. "I don't even know if I'd recognize him at this point."
Hoelzer is not ready to say she's reached closure, but she's eager to use her plight to help others. She majored in psychology at Auburn University, with a minor in criminology. She wanted to learn about the child abuse issue from both sides: Victims and perpetrators.
"In my own way, I was self-counseling in college," she said. "Every single paper I wrote in school was about kids who've been molested and sex offenders."
That process goes on. Without telling anyone of her motivation, she already has gotten involved with the National Child Advocacy Center, the first of its kind and now one of about 900 branches around the United States.
She'll be giving the keynote speech at a big fundraising dinner on Friday. Her message will be so much more poignant now that she's come clean about her past.
Still, Hoelzer wonders if it's all worth it.
"I still have so many unresolved issues," she said. "My self-confidence is better, it's definitely better. But it's not there all the time. I have good days. I have bad days."
Source : iht
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